Given the harsh feedback from last week's heresy, it is occurring to me that maybe I'm losing my touch. I mean, I forgot the disclaimer, for crying out loud. The disclaimer!!! So, here you go:
***DISCLAIMER***
The views of this column are not endorsed by the Catholic Church...
not yet, anyway.
*******************
Regarding this page, I rechristened it "danandtiff," added a subtitle, and created some great links. These links represent webpages of friends who have been on this website. If you would like us to add your webpage to our links section, simply leave a comment so that I can copy and paste your URL.
Finally, I would like to say that I have appreciated some of the discussion and feedback that has occurred here, and would encourage everyone to keep it up. Just remember to respect each other's opinions, and be fair when criticizing. I usually do not interfere with anyone's freedom of speech and from now on will not delete comments unless they represent an attack on someone else, or for another reason are deemed out of line. I will continue to delete shameless advertisements for crap.
So what is the criteria for "out of line"?
Just remember:
Dan giveth.
Dan can taketh away...
and Tiff telleth Dan what she wanteth and what she doth wanteth to be ridden of.
10.17.2005
10.10.2005
Dan's Heresy #2: Fast Mass
Living in this day and age, I cannot help but notice the remarkable pace by which we in this country live our lives. Everything, from food to communication, has developed an expectation of promptness. If it does not get done in a short time, we complain.
I was also doing some thinking about the Church. I have noticed that the Church has not done a tremendous job in staying relevant with this trend. I believe I have come up with a simple solution to this problem. Though I am not Catholic, this solution will best serve the Catholic Church.
What is this solution, you ask? A drive-thru sacrament station! Think about it...it would solve a number of problems. People could get their sacraments done quickly, and it would keep the priests out of much of the trouble they have been getting into!
Here's a hypothetical, though possible scenario:
"Hi, welcome to Fast Mass! Would you like to try any of our combo specials?"
"No thanks, I'll just take one confession and two baptisms."
"Would you like any Eucharist with that?"
"Uh, sure...Give me two."
"Please pull around to the window."
At the window:
"Hi...That will be 10% of your income...would you like to sign up for our direct payment program, so that your tithe could come right out of your account?"
"Um...no thanks."
"All right. Go ahead."
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned [etc.]."
"[sprinkles with Holy Water]...in the name of the Father, Son, etc...
The Body and Blood of Christ. Have a nice day!"
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Get all the grace you need to get closer to God in less than 10 minutes per week! Maximum results for minimum effort! Can you think of a better way to get people into church?
Rate this heresy:
1 - Safe for the whole family!
2 - Not bad, but I've heard better heresy from Billy Graham
3 - Now THAT's heretical!
4 - Dan, you're going to heck in a handbasket.
5 - I'm going to hell just for reading this
Coming up next time: more solutions to the world's problems
I was also doing some thinking about the Church. I have noticed that the Church has not done a tremendous job in staying relevant with this trend. I believe I have come up with a simple solution to this problem. Though I am not Catholic, this solution will best serve the Catholic Church.
What is this solution, you ask? A drive-thru sacrament station! Think about it...it would solve a number of problems. People could get their sacraments done quickly, and it would keep the priests out of much of the trouble they have been getting into!
Here's a hypothetical, though possible scenario:
"Hi, welcome to Fast Mass! Would you like to try any of our combo specials?"
"No thanks, I'll just take one confession and two baptisms."
"Would you like any Eucharist with that?"
"Uh, sure...Give me two."
"Please pull around to the window."
At the window:
"Hi...That will be 10% of your income...would you like to sign up for our direct payment program, so that your tithe could come right out of your account?"
"Um...no thanks."
"All right. Go ahead."
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned [etc.]."
"[sprinkles with Holy Water]...in the name of the Father, Son, etc...
The Body and Blood of Christ. Have a nice day!"
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Get all the grace you need to get closer to God in less than 10 minutes per week! Maximum results for minimum effort! Can you think of a better way to get people into church?
Rate this heresy:
1 - Safe for the whole family!
2 - Not bad, but I've heard better heresy from Billy Graham
3 - Now THAT's heretical!
4 - Dan, you're going to heck in a handbasket.
5 - I'm going to hell just for reading this
Coming up next time: more solutions to the world's problems
10.01.2005
Update #2
Just a few short updates, for those of you who still care...
I (Dan) have been busy all week, in a sort of makeshift studio environment. Two friends and I form a trio, calling ourselves Reverie Fading. The name has significance, but I don't have time to get into that now. Most of you are deep enough that you could either figure it out or come up with something that makes sense.
Anyway, we are finishing up an EP project, and are excited about it. It has 5 or 6 songs (one might not make the cut), and we have quite a variety of sound on it. More details will come upon the release of this album, or you can visit geocities.com/reverie_fading.
Those of you in the Ohio area might want to come see us soon. We have one show coming up next Friday (Oct. 7) at the Big Picture (116 E South St., Wooster, OH). It's $10 admission, featuring us alongside Exile, Remnant, Leadway, and Benjamin Payne. Also, the following day, Sat. The 8th, we will be playing a benefit show in Fredericksburg for Habitat. If anyone is interested in more information, let me know.
In other news, I start school soon, love being married, hate politics, and am pulling for the Cleveland Indians (though I still hope St. Louis wins it all). If you want to know more, call us!
Also: Our blog is NOT a free advertisement site. So you people who think it's funny to post these get-rich-quick ads on this blog, you need to pay up!
Coming up next time: I've been feeling a bit tense lately, and I think it's time for another heresy...what about you?
I (Dan) have been busy all week, in a sort of makeshift studio environment. Two friends and I form a trio, calling ourselves Reverie Fading. The name has significance, but I don't have time to get into that now. Most of you are deep enough that you could either figure it out or come up with something that makes sense.
Anyway, we are finishing up an EP project, and are excited about it. It has 5 or 6 songs (one might not make the cut), and we have quite a variety of sound on it. More details will come upon the release of this album, or you can visit geocities.com/reverie_fading.
Those of you in the Ohio area might want to come see us soon. We have one show coming up next Friday (Oct. 7) at the Big Picture (116 E South St., Wooster, OH). It's $10 admission, featuring us alongside Exile, Remnant, Leadway, and Benjamin Payne. Also, the following day, Sat. The 8th, we will be playing a benefit show in Fredericksburg for Habitat. If anyone is interested in more information, let me know.
In other news, I start school soon, love being married, hate politics, and am pulling for the Cleveland Indians (though I still hope St. Louis wins it all). If you want to know more, call us!
Also: Our blog is NOT a free advertisement site. So you people who think it's funny to post these get-rich-quick ads on this blog, you need to pay up!
Coming up next time: I've been feeling a bit tense lately, and I think it's time for another heresy...what about you?
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