A Christmas Irony

I want to explore something that is a bit ironic to me. Before I do so, allow me to set the stage.

You see, here in America, every year about this time, people begin to celebrate a certain legend whose arrival is commemorated at Christmas. Every year, we drag out stone images of him and set them on our tables; each holiday season, we sing songs celebrating his arrival. We pass along the story of his advent to each generation. Within these songs and stories is portrayed a man seeming human but with divine qualities. He possesses a certain omniscience and omnipresence, knowing when we lie down and when we arise. We are encouraged to believe in him, even though we have not seen. We are told to make supplication to him, for he is able to answer if we but ask. And, his imminent return to our dwelling is celebrated.

By now, I am sure you have all figured out who this Christmas legend is...Santa Claus! Yes, I know, you could say the same about Jesus Christ, but we'll deal with Him in a later article.

The irony began for me when I was a child, young enough to have the faith of a child, but in some ways too smart for my own good. It was one Christmas that this faith began to face significant questioning. The conclusions to which I then arrived were astounding.

You see, I began to wonder how one human being could possibly visit all children in the world in one night...even if he did have flying reindeer. I concluded that, given the surface area of the world's land mass, divided by the velocity of deer at top speed, it would take years to cover that much real estate. Therefore, either one of two things could be possible: either there is no Santa Claus, the ontological shock of which would have had been unbearable for my fragile mind; or...of course! He DOESN'T actually visit every child on earth!

Consider this: Jews and Muslims do not celebrate the birth of Christ. To Jews, He was merely a man with a following; Muslims respect Him, but not enough to give each other presents on His birthday. As a result, Jews and Muslims do not celebrate Christmas. Therefore, Santa does not stop at the houses of Jewish and Muslim children.

When I reached this conclusion, I was appalled! What are all the children going to think when they learn that Santa Claus, this icon of goodwill and charity, discriminates against certain faiths and cultures!?! Santa Claus is a RACIST BIGOT!

So now, you know the irony of Christmas: The only groups of people whom Santa visits are Christians and atheists.