Dan's Heresy #1: What REALLY Happened in the Garden

Most of us are familiar with the Garden of Eden story. The serpent tempted Eve, Eve took the fruit, Eve gave it to Adam, and God kicked them out. However, as I researched the topic, I have made a breakthrough discovery.

I made this profound discovery while eating with Tiffany while we were just dating. Though she had not finished her food, she said that she could not eat any more. She then offered it to me. As I took it and ate, I felt an incredible sense of fulfilled existence. I felt that I was performing my manly duty by finishing the food that my woman could not.

As I realized my purpose, it occured to me that the same scenario had played out in the Garden. It does not make sense that Eve would say, "Hey Adam, take a bite of this FORBIDDEN fruit that God told us not to eat!" No, rather, I believe that what happened was that Eve was tempted, ate the fruit, and then said, "Adam, I'm full! Can you finish this apple for me?" Adam, not realizing the mess he was about to get all humanity into, simply behaved in accordance to how God had created him.

The rest, as they say, is history. Ever since then, humanity has been in a huge mess. Men have never ceased to be simple creatures who have a fascination with eating, and women have never ceased to...well, never mind.

****************************DISCLAIMER***************************

The views represented in this column are not endorsed by blogger.com, Ashland Theological Seminary, bible scholars anywhere, the Catholic Church, most Protestants, the ACLU, women, Tiffany, Dan's friends, God, or even Dan.