"Update #1: Worship-Teque" by Dan

Sunday marked a significant day in my career as a worship leader. For the first time ever, as far as I know, techno music was used in worship. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, techno. The song was "How Firm a Foundation." "But wait a second! You can't use techno in church!" Why not? "You just don't!!!" Hold on, here, did they not say the same thing when we brought in Rock and Roll? "Well that was different!"


Most of the feedback I received from this stunt was positive, although I am sure not everyone loved it. I believe that for most people, it simply caught them so much by surprise that they did not know what to think. It is probably safe to bet that the old lady sitting in the third row did not enjoy the experience; but she hates my music anyway, and loves me as a person, which is all perfectly fine with me.

In other news, concerning this blog, I will try to be consistent and post something new every Monday. Whether it be an update, a deep thought, a devotion, or a heresy will all depend on how I am feeling that week (but don't worry, there will be plenty of variety). For those of who who may be wondering when the next heresy will arrive, I will aim for once every four weeks (though some would argue that it's heresy every time I open my mouth). For those of you wondering if last week's heresy got me in trouble with Tiffany, the answer is, "Yes, dear!"

Dan's Heresy #1: What REALLY Happened in the Garden

Most of us are familiar with the Garden of Eden story. The serpent tempted Eve, Eve took the fruit, Eve gave it to Adam, and God kicked them out. However, as I researched the topic, I have made a breakthrough discovery.

I made this profound discovery while eating with Tiffany while we were just dating. Though she had not finished her food, she said that she could not eat any more. She then offered it to me. As I took it and ate, I felt an incredible sense of fulfilled existence. I felt that I was performing my manly duty by finishing the food that my woman could not.

As I realized my purpose, it occured to me that the same scenario had played out in the Garden. It does not make sense that Eve would say, "Hey Adam, take a bite of this FORBIDDEN fruit that God told us not to eat!" No, rather, I believe that what happened was that Eve was tempted, ate the fruit, and then said, "Adam, I'm full! Can you finish this apple for me?" Adam, not realizing the mess he was about to get all humanity into, simply behaved in accordance to how God had created him.

The rest, as they say, is history. Ever since then, humanity has been in a huge mess. Men have never ceased to be simple creatures who have a fascination with eating, and women have never ceased to...well, never mind.

****************************DISCLAIMER***************************

The views represented in this column are not endorsed by blogger.com, Ashland Theological Seminary, bible scholars anywhere, the Catholic Church, most Protestants, the ACLU, women, Tiffany, Dan's friends, God, or even Dan.